No new beginnings — just a steady climb
Hey everyone!
It’s little old me, dropping into the blog for the very first time on my brand new, very fancy and updated website. If you’ve been following my journey at all, you’ve probably noticed that I’ve been putting some serious work into my photography hustle lately.
In 2019 I remembered the value of creation for creation’s sake - money and “success” will follow if you just get out and make something.
I’ve been doing photography for close to ten years, but never really talked about it or shared it with anyone until these past couple of years.
For so long, I was incredibly insecure about the idea of calling myself an artist, out of fear that I simply wasn’t good enough. It’s the classic trap; don’t show your work to anyone until you feel like a pro, but never become a pro because no one has seen your work.
Every time I share something — a photo album, a blog post, an event a song I’ve written — it is an intensely vulnerable and humbling experience. Every time I give a quote to price some work for a potential client, I still get a flash of anxiety. My greatest fear is that someone will look at me and see a fraud, or worse, the dreaded “who does she think she is?”
Imposter syndrome is a very real thing that I never realized has been impacting all aspects of my life, from my work to my art to my personal relationships. 2019 was the very first time I gave it a face and a name and worked tirelessly to banish it from my space. It’s still there, but softer, as if it has started to fade into the background noise of my very full and busy life.
Now, I’m owning my work and my ambitions. I tell people “I’m a photographer” when they ask. I don’t shy away under the premise of “my real job” and it feels incredible. Living my comfort zone has been endlessly rewarding and exhausting, beautiful and messy, wonderful and terrifying. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
Some really incredible things happened in 2019. I:
Opened a photo studio and began booking clients for shoots
Photographed some incredible festivals
Made some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life and a support system of the most incredible women I’m so fortunate be inspired by every day
Realized that a traditional 9-5 career will likely never make me happy, and made changes in my life to ensure that I’m working toward a future I actually want
Travelled around the world (more than once!)
Moved into a beautiful new apartment downtown
Took in a sweet, six-month-old foster cat named Lemon who drives me nuts but brings me so much joy
Redefined success and began living life by my own rules
Embracing life at Sziget Music Festival this summer
I also read some amazing content and books written by fearless women I now draw regular inspiration from:
Lands of Lost Borders by Kate Harris gave me the courage to question everything, and the clarity to realize there’s so much more adventure to be had in this life.
We Need to Talk About This from my major lady crush Sarah Stockdale, was the weekly pep talk I needed to drown out the voices of those who still think I’m making the wrong choice by escaping the corporate career ladder I was on.
Becoming by Michelle Obama reminded me that my journey is just beginning at a time I so desperately needed direction, and demonstrated the sheer power and invincibility of women when we work together.
Finally, I remembered the importance of simply being young, and free and alive. Going dancing with your friends until 3 in the morning simply because we can and we should. Connecting, loving, feeling.
Life is so damn beautiful and we as Canadians have a privilege few others on this earth can hope for - freedom and choices that I refuse to squander.
Nothing means more than great friends and beautiful experiences.
For the rest of 2019 I’m going to be practicing some mad gratitude - and thinking about all the incredible things that have happened and people who have made this year so incredibly special. I will also be working my butt off to set up for a successful year filled with exciting work, creativity, connectedness and travel (touring bands get @ me!).
That’s enough from me for now, though. I’ll be using this blog as a space to show you a little more of who I am, alongside full photo albums and shoutouts to some incredible artists, events and creators right here in Calgary.
Thanks for reading! Let’s grab a beer sometime.
